Atrocious Joke No. 73

This occurred to me this afternoon when I misspelt a word and comes with a:

HEALTH WARNING!!


Distraught boy: Dad, dad...my pet deer is dead!

Sympathetic father: Yes, son, I knew about it... but I didn't have the hart to tell you...

Ok, you can look now!

(And any comments containing the expression, "oh deer" will be severely dealt with!)

Bad Joke No. 632

(... look, I can't help it... in another age people would have hailed me as a genius.)

Person 1: I say old chap, these nuts make me sneeze!

Person 2 (who fortunately asks just the right question): Well, well! Why's that, Neutron me old mate?

Person 1 (...yeah, ok... me): Because they're C-ashoo nuts!

... oh, please yourselves...