Supporting England is a pain! A 100% PAIN!!
Normally last night I would have been able to sit back and enjoy watching the abject Frogs get ushered out of the World Cup via the back door ...but the problem is that in a few hours the Hingerland doughnuts may also suffer a similar ignominious fate. This has severely dampened any upbubbling of Schadenfreude in my savage, neolithic, red-in-tooth-and-claw football supporter's breast.
What a drag!!
Anyway, England has up to now been totally clueless since the friendlies just before the WC. Earlier on, in the qualifiers, Capello had managed to get the lads to realise that the other players on the pitch in the same coloured shirts were the ones to pass to and that that rectangular thing with the net was wot yuz kick de ball into.
Suddenly they seem to have turned into something like those table football figures which just kick out in whatever direction they are facing if you bang them on the head. They are suffering from a strange form collective football amnesia; they seem to run out onto the pitch and look around in shock, "where are we?? Wots all dat green stuff on the floor? Wots dat round fing?"
Copious beer will be required for viewing today! (And deep down inside we just know that they are going to cock it up...arghhhhh!!)
Otherwise this World Cup has simply failed to ignite, in my opinion anyway, and I think the main reason for this is this incredibly irritating, hornet-noise producing, screaming fit-inducing vuvuzela. What kind of a loony invented that or came up with the idea of taking them into football stadiums.
The basic problem is that being a loud monotone it removes all the excitement from the football which you normally get from hearing the oohs and ahhs from the crowd. Basically it's the equivalent of watching the footy with the sound turned down...there are no highs or lows...just this awful depressing droning. Consequently I am finding it difficult to get involved in the games - definitely no FIFA fever.
So, just over 2 hours until the torture begins . . .
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Here We Go Again . . .
After a wonderful and relaxing interlude following Spain in the 2008 European Championship (due to Steve McClueless's Hingerland team not qualifying), when for the first time I saw how it might be to support an international team which could really play, it was back to workhouse bread and gruel yesterday.
England's opening game in the 2010 Word Cup against former colony USA.
Ho hum.
England start the game like Dervishes at a mad pace and within 5 minutes have scored an excellent goal. Amidst the cheering I heard myself saying, "too early, too early".
And indeed, Ferrari England turned into British Leyland Hingerland and clocked off for the rest of the first half. The USA, a solid and well-organised, motivated bunch, obligingly took over the game and deserved their equaliser. I will draw a veil of silence and sympathy over the details of their goal (except for mentioning that excuse number 1 from my previous post was indeed wheeled out to explain what had happened).
At least you know at half time our chaps are going to be faced with a wild Italian who is going to give them the bollocchio assoluto fortissimo they richly deserve and not some Steve McClownSchool touchy-feely false-grin palliative teleteubby hugginess. Capello must have done his Italian nutto at them, as they came out in the second half ablaze once again. But there was one big problem ...we had been mind-gamed by those pesky Americans who, although relatively new to football, know a thing or ten about the psychology of sport.
They had roundly announced in the media that they would try to provoke Rooney (our rather-too-provokable, fly-off-the-handle Shrek lookalike) with the intention of getting him red-carded. They then denied this of course, but proceeded in the game to police Rooney robustly. This meant that Rooney, who must have had the litany "don't get provoked" hammered into him in the previous days, couldn't summon the little bit of rage he would have needed to break free for fear of releasing the lot of rage and going over the top. A clever ruse by our upstart cousins from across the pond.
And so Hingerland clocked off once again around the 80 minute mark and settled - shamefully in my opinion - for a draw and a point.
On the positive side, the ITV 'experts' reminded us that England had drawn the first game in 1966 and in whatever year we got to the semi-final and so, therefore, England are going to win the World Cup!
England's opening game in the 2010 Word Cup against former colony USA.
Ho hum.
England start the game like Dervishes at a mad pace and within 5 minutes have scored an excellent goal. Amidst the cheering I heard myself saying, "too early, too early".
And indeed, Ferrari England turned into British Leyland Hingerland and clocked off for the rest of the first half. The USA, a solid and well-organised, motivated bunch, obligingly took over the game and deserved their equaliser. I will draw a veil of silence and sympathy over the details of their goal (except for mentioning that excuse number 1 from my previous post was indeed wheeled out to explain what had happened).
At least you know at half time our chaps are going to be faced with a wild Italian who is going to give them the bollocchio assoluto fortissimo they richly deserve and not some Steve McClownSchool touchy-feely false-grin palliative teleteubby hugginess. Capello must have done his Italian nutto at them, as they came out in the second half ablaze once again. But there was one big problem ...we had been mind-gamed by those pesky Americans who, although relatively new to football, know a thing or ten about the psychology of sport.
They had roundly announced in the media that they would try to provoke Rooney (our rather-too-provokable, fly-off-the-handle Shrek lookalike) with the intention of getting him red-carded. They then denied this of course, but proceeded in the game to police Rooney robustly. This meant that Rooney, who must have had the litany "don't get provoked" hammered into him in the previous days, couldn't summon the little bit of rage he would have needed to break free for fear of releasing the lot of rage and going over the top. A clever ruse by our upstart cousins from across the pond.
And so Hingerland clocked off once again around the 80 minute mark and settled - shamefully in my opinion - for a draw and a point.
On the positive side, the ITV 'experts' reminded us that England had drawn the first game in 1966 and in whatever year we got to the semi-final and so, therefore, England are going to win the World Cup!
Monday, June 07, 2010
World Cup Approaches
Maybe it's me, or maybe the build up's been low key - but the FIFA fever hasn't kicked in yet. Hmm, right now I just feel "World Cup, World Schmup".
Maybe I'm still disillusioned with Hingerland cos they failed to get into the European Championships in 2008. On the other handI have to admit I really enjoyed it as I was supporting Spain and it was amazing to support a team which played great football ...and actually won the bloody thing!
So, maybe it's because Hingerland did qualify...
The last couple of friendlies we played against Mexico and Japan were quite tremendously underwhelming - after a pretty good qualifying peformance the team seems to be reverting to the traditional "rabbit-headlight, what's-that-round-bouncy-thing, who-are those-guys-with-the-same-shirt-as-me mode" just in time for the finals.
In fact so far the most interesting thing has been the excuses which are being honed and polished by the commentators from Sky, BBC, ITV, etc, to explain any up and coming dismal games - some old excuses and some new ones:
1. The ball. Yes, the ball!!! They've gone and changed it so it performs perfectly and will benefit all the skillful players!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo....
2. The heat. Yes, the heat!!! It must be such a standard excuse that the 'experts' haven't yet noticed that it's winter in South Africa. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo...
3. The altitude. Yes, the altitude!!! The stadiums have all been built on hills!!!! Nooooooooooooo...
4. The homesickness. Yes, the homesickness!!! Some of these players have .. children, young children, and these players have been away from them for, oh, 3 days so far!!!! Noooooooooooooohoooooohoooooo...
Funny how the excuses apply exclusively the the English players ...anyway, we will be able to see if any of these excuses qualify for the semis or even the final.
So, this is the start of my coverage for 2010 - if you want to stroll along memory lane and read my coverage of 2006 then have a look here and then scroll to the posts from the end of May 2006...
Oh, and finally, for now, it is good to see on the BBC that the rules for the penalty shoot-outs have been amended. The penalty taker will not be able to do any feinting at the end of his run-up to fool the goalkeeper - and, so that English fans won't have to do any fainting, England players will now be allowed to take each penalty 3 times...
Maybe I'm still disillusioned with Hingerland cos they failed to get into the European Championships in 2008. On the other handI have to admit I really enjoyed it as I was supporting Spain and it was amazing to support a team which played great football ...and actually won the bloody thing!
So, maybe it's because Hingerland did qualify...
The last couple of friendlies we played against Mexico and Japan were quite tremendously underwhelming - after a pretty good qualifying peformance the team seems to be reverting to the traditional "rabbit-headlight, what's-that-round-bouncy-thing, who-are those-guys-with-the-same-shirt-as-me mode" just in time for the finals.
In fact so far the most interesting thing has been the excuses which are being honed and polished by the commentators from Sky, BBC, ITV, etc, to explain any up and coming dismal games - some old excuses and some new ones:
1. The ball. Yes, the ball!!! They've gone and changed it so it performs perfectly and will benefit all the skillful players!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo....
2. The heat. Yes, the heat!!! It must be such a standard excuse that the 'experts' haven't yet noticed that it's winter in South Africa. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo...
3. The altitude. Yes, the altitude!!! The stadiums have all been built on hills!!!! Nooooooooooooo...
4. The homesickness. Yes, the homesickness!!! Some of these players have .. children, young children, and these players have been away from them for, oh, 3 days so far!!!! Noooooooooooooohoooooohoooooo...
Funny how the excuses apply exclusively the the English players ...anyway, we will be able to see if any of these excuses qualify for the semis or even the final.
So, this is the start of my coverage for 2010 - if you want to stroll along memory lane and read my coverage of 2006 then have a look here and then scroll to the posts from the end of May 2006...
Oh, and finally, for now, it is good to see on the BBC that the rules for the penalty shoot-outs have been amended. The penalty taker will not be able to do any feinting at the end of his run-up to fool the goalkeeper - and, so that English fans won't have to do any fainting, England players will now be allowed to take each penalty 3 times...
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Eurovision Pong Contest
...yes, yes, ok...I know it's my own fault...yes, I know ...I KNO-HOOOW...
I know, I know, I KNOW...!
Yes, I watched it, and yes, I know... IT IS MY OWN FAULT!!
I blinked ...I looked away...for a fraction of a second my guard was down and suddenly I was infected... infected by the bug here in Deepest Bavaria and in Germany generally ...the enthusiasm bug... Eurovision enthusiasm bug, let's just call it "Lena-and-Olaf-itis!
Long, long, LONG ago I vowed never to watch - or rather listen - to a Eurovision Pong Contest again. Ok, as a kid I was fascinated by Kathy Kirby's shiny lips as she belted out "I Belong" (only click on that link if you have extremely strong nerves) and thrilled to (I have to say the somewhat niffy-looking) Sandy Shaw's awful off-key rendition of "Puppet on a String" (see note in previous brackets) which actually WON!
My regard for the EPC started to go down rapidly in the following years when I started to realise how political the voting was (...frerm ze franch chury: Le Royaume-Uni ...ner pwans) and then started to realise (with a shock at my former cloth-earedness) how f***ing AWFUL the songs were...
Well, anyway, this year Germany had a song about cheering up a depressed Scandinavian - "Laugh Olaf" and I was swept along by the tide... so I watched... (yes, I KNOW!!!!)
Here's a look at the "songs"...
Cyprus: Going back to the roots - song in English, sung by some Welshman...
Ukraine: A young lass awfully upset about a massage...
Spain: Cods(how-could-a-country-choose-this)wallop about a circus...
Greece: Opa! Greek songwriting talents matching their economic abilities...
France: Allez, Allez, Ulay, Ulay, Oh-ee-oh-ee-oh... (written by a mobile phone)...
Iceland: Song sung by a volcano in human form...
UK: Josh's "That Sounds Good to Me" which obviously didn't sound good to anyone else...
Denmark: An unhealthy Police/ABBA hybrid...
Turkey: My Robot Has Sawn His Arm Off...
Russia: Band transported by a timewarp from 1972
Portugal: Mariah Carey for the destitute and a songwriter who went for lunch in the middle of the chorus...
Neverheardofthecountryania: Groan Groan, My Donkey has Colitis...
and
Germany: Cheer Up Olaf by pretty girl hopping spastically about the stage...
How could I fail to be hooked..?
I know, I know, I KNOW...!
Yes, I watched it, and yes, I know... IT IS MY OWN FAULT!!
I blinked ...I looked away...for a fraction of a second my guard was down and suddenly I was infected... infected by the bug here in Deepest Bavaria and in Germany generally ...the enthusiasm bug... Eurovision enthusiasm bug, let's just call it "Lena-and-Olaf-itis!
Long, long, LONG ago I vowed never to watch - or rather listen - to a Eurovision Pong Contest again. Ok, as a kid I was fascinated by Kathy Kirby's shiny lips as she belted out "I Belong" (only click on that link if you have extremely strong nerves) and thrilled to (I have to say the somewhat niffy-looking) Sandy Shaw's awful off-key rendition of "Puppet on a String" (see note in previous brackets) which actually WON!
My regard for the EPC started to go down rapidly in the following years when I started to realise how political the voting was (...frerm ze franch chury: Le Royaume-Uni ...ner pwans) and then started to realise (with a shock at my former cloth-earedness) how f***ing AWFUL the songs were...
Well, anyway, this year Germany had a song about cheering up a depressed Scandinavian - "Laugh Olaf" and I was swept along by the tide... so I watched... (yes, I KNOW!!!!)
Here's a look at the "songs"...
Cyprus: Going back to the roots - song in English, sung by some Welshman...
Ukraine: A young lass awfully upset about a massage...
Spain: Cods(how-could-a-country-choose-this)wallop about a circus...
Greece: Opa! Greek songwriting talents matching their economic abilities...
France: Allez, Allez, Ulay, Ulay, Oh-ee-oh-ee-oh... (written by a mobile phone)...
Iceland: Song sung by a volcano in human form...
UK: Josh's "That Sounds Good to Me" which obviously didn't sound good to anyone else...
Denmark: An unhealthy Police/ABBA hybrid...
Turkey: My Robot Has Sawn His Arm Off...
Russia: Band transported by a timewarp from 1972
Portugal: Mariah Carey for the destitute and a songwriter who went for lunch in the middle of the chorus...
Neverheardofthecountryania: Groan Groan, My Donkey has Colitis...
and
Germany: Cheer Up Olaf by pretty girl hopping spastically about the stage...
How could I fail to be hooked..?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
