Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Eurovision Pong Contest

...yes, yes, ok...I know it's my own fault...yes, I know ...I KNO-HOOOW...

I know, I know, I KNOW...!

Yes, I watched it, and yes, I know... IT IS MY OWN FAULT!!

I blinked ...I looked away...for a fraction of a second my guard was down and suddenly I was infected... infected by the bug here in Deepest Bavaria and in Germany generally ...the enthusiasm bug... Eurovision enthusiasm bug, let's just call it "Lena-and-Olaf-itis!

Long, long, LONG ago I vowed never to watch - or rather listen - to a Eurovision Pong Contest again. Ok, as a kid I was fascinated by Kathy Kirby's shiny lips as she belted out "I Belong" (only click on that link if you have extremely strong nerves) and thrilled to (I have to say the somewhat niffy-looking) Sandy Shaw's awful off-key rendition of "Puppet on a String" (see note in previous brackets) which actually WON!

My regard for the EPC started to go down rapidly in the following years when I started to realise how political the voting was (...frerm ze franch chury: Le Royaume-Uni ...ner pwans) and then started to realise (with a shock at my former cloth-earedness) how f***ing AWFUL the songs were...

Well, anyway, this year Germany had a song about cheering up a depressed Scandinavian - "Laugh Olaf" and I was swept along by the tide... so I watched... (yes, I KNOW!!!!)

Here's a look at the "songs"...

Cyprus: Going back to the roots - song in English, sung by some Welshman...
Ukraine: A young lass awfully upset about a massage...
Spain: Cods(how-could-a-country-choose-this)wallop about a circus...
Greece: Opa! Greek songwriting talents matching their economic abilities...
France: Allez, Allez, Ulay, Ulay, Oh-ee-oh-ee-oh... (written by a mobile phone)...
Iceland: Song sung by a volcano in human form...
UK: Josh's "That Sounds Good to Me" which obviously didn't sound good to anyone else...
Denmark: An unhealthy Police/ABBA hybrid...
Turkey: My Robot Has Sawn His Arm Off...
Russia: Band transported by a timewarp from 1972
Portugal: Mariah Carey for the destitute and a songwriter who went for lunch in the middle of the chorus...
Neverheardofthecountryania: Groan Groan, My Donkey has Colitis...

and

Germany: Cheer Up Olaf by pretty girl hopping spastically about the stage...

How could I fail to be hooked..?


6 comments:

jayne said...

You forgot the one where the butterfly wings popped out of the "singers'" backs during the song... if that wasn't reason enough for null points, I dunno what is...

Being (unintentionally, I hasten to add) in Oslo for the EPC, we were totally swept along by it... in fact, if I recall correctly, I saw two - TWO - people wearing SHARE THE MOMENT t-shirts the whole week I was there (and they were Germans). And I got into conversation with an Italian living in Oslo who was routing for Italy. Not having realised - obviously - that Italy wasn't in it.

Anyway, it was the most excitement Norway had seen since the Nazi invasion sixty years ago - personally, checking out the price of beer even in the supermarket, I would have given up on the invasion and returned to Bayern for a decent drop of affordable beer.

I must say however, I do think Lena is lovely... bless her.

Neutron said...

Oh, the butterflies...you reminded me of the butterflies...arghhhh!

William said...

you forgot the Israeli freestyler...ugh...

jayne said...

PS: Was Cyprus the Welshman with his guitar strapped up with black tape? My sister commented, he must have flown Ryanair...

Neutron said...

It certainly looked as if they'd dragged the Welsh chap off some street corner where he was in the middle of busking Tambourine Man...

And, yes, the Israeli. I just remember near the end of his song - just before his voice went totally haywire - he sang loud and clear "malacha" and I could imagine everyone in Greece laughing their socks off...

Anji said...

I was wondering if you'd popped out to make a cup of tea (perhaps something a lot stronger) when the butterflies came on. That's the only part I saw the day after as the French media seem to have taken to it.

My eldest son used to write articles for the Eurovision Song Contest Club magazine when he was 12 and he used to have videos of songs from all over the world (Sandy Shaw filmed by Greek TV and so on). I think he would deny all knowledge of it today.