No news is good news - so they say - but most news is bad news.
And this is BAD NEWS...
You know that beer belly you are developing - or your partner/boyfriend etc is developing? Well, it is nothing to do with beer! All the jokes about six-packs - forget them.
The quintessential beer-belly, that protusion of midriff, that strainer of trouser belts, that pinger of shirt buttons, is all caused by your testosterone levels! Your declining testosterone levels
After the age of 25 or 30, your testosterone levels start to go down and this has of course many effects on the male body - just look in your junk mail folder - but it has ONE particular effect on your stomach. The firm muscular tissue there you have always been so proud of (oh really!?) turns to flaccid flabbiness without testosterone to support it.
I am truly sorry about this, chaps!
And there's more...it gets worse....! If you want to get rid of this blemish...reduce your waistline, banish the bulge, melt down your spare tyre, then you will have to do ridiculously more exercise than you would have had to do in younger days. I can't remember exactly how much more exercise because at that moment I was shouting abuse at the TV programme which was reporting all this - fronted by one of those slick, smiling, ingenuous presenters who you would really like to smack around the face with a dead chicken;
"...your beer belly is due to falling levels of testosterone," (mirthless smug smile which translates as - 'you impotent bastard')
"...and if you want to reduce it you will have to do SO much more exercise that when you were younger!" (gloating smirk which means - ' you lazy fat old slob')
And they do mean exercise, too. It's no good wrapping yourself in cling-film and sitting watching the football on TV...you have to get up and get out and shake your boody (what is a boody anyway?).
Well, I will leave you to digest all that and get going on my fitness training...I think I will start with my right arm...