So she didn't wait for me - as so often in her life she did things her way...and I see it as her last act of love to me that she didn't want to put me through the pain of watching her die - though I would gladly have been with her.
The staff at the nursing home were so desperate to get me there in time that they sent a car out to pick us up from the airport...they were all heart-broken...she had been so popular there; never complaining, a smile for everyone.
She so often used to say, "well, you just have to get on with it" and that was the principle with which she got through these last awful years.
Last time I was here 3 weeks ago she was drifting away and coming back and it seems on Tuesday she drifted away again but this time just didn't return. She died peacefully in her bed with my cousin holding her hand...
I did get to hold her hand again but it was already cold and there was no squeeze back.
I am glad for her sake that this horrible end phase of her life is over and that she is now at peace but we are all wracked with grief and if the depth of your grief is the measure of the love you had for someone you have lost then she was very loved.