Wednesday, June 21, 2006

It's a Game of 2 Halves

There is a certain undeniable and not inconsiderable element of schizophrenia surrounding the England team in this World Cup... Jekyl and Hyde, yin and yang, Morecombe and Wise...

In the first half last night the players swaggered almost arrogantly around the pitch in Köln as if to say, "pah, think you can play footie, you flaxen-haired degenerate Vikings - we invented this game - watch us and be amazed!"

At half time the players must have metaphorically fallen behind a (large) couch and then reappeared scratching their heads and tousling their hair absent-mindedly before emerging for a 2nd half which was more like...

"Oh I say, that's a corner, isn't it? So, one of those splendid Swedish chappies is going to kick the ball into that squarish bit of the field.. oh, I say, the ball has bounced off his head and gone into that... sort of... netty thing... and my goodness, they certainly seem happy about something, those Swedish fellows... jolly good!"

The schizophrenia also extends to the fans... well, at least to this fan... I basked happily in the smug euphoria of the first half and then suffered and sweated through the doldrums of exasperation in the second.

Even after the game the conversations had a Jekyl&Hyde quality about them,

"Pile of crap this lot, couldn't defend George Washington in an honesty trial..."
"That Cole was good... bloody world class"
"Midfield dynamo? There's more energy in a railway porter's arm..."
"Hargreaves...brilliant...never stopped running..."

How could this bunch of misfits win the World Cup... but then let me hear a chorus of, "Hin-ger-land, Hin-ger-land, HIN-GER-LAND", I am suddenly L'Optimiste...

England: World Champions 2006?? Aye, it has a ring to it...


Haddock said...

The first half was the stuff of dreams. The second half was shite, the stuff of nightmares and the England of old. In both halves they played like totally different teams. I don't know what the Swede said to them at half time, but he should be shot for it. The second half was definitely not good for my blood pressure! :)

Neutron said...

Hi Haddock,
Yes, what was the quote? "We needed Churchill at half time and we got Iain Duncan-Smith".