Thursday, June 22, 2006

One Year Already

It's a year since my mum died.

At 2:15 in the afternoon June 22nd 2005, as we were sitting inside Cologne Airport waiting for the connecting flight to Liverpool in our mad dash to get back in time, she slipped away.

My body still reacts with surprise whenever I think of it. Maybe it's a kind of visceral amnesia - I know it but I still don't feel it...

How long does it take to get over things like this? And what is that supposed to mean, "things like this"? What other thing is like this?

Hmm...I don't think I can write about this.

If you know what I mean then you will know what I mean and if you don't know what I mean then you won't.


MatildaBonaparte said...

My son died 5 months ago. I do understand what you're saying. I find some release in writing about it, but everyone grieves in their own way.

Nine years ago my maternal grandfather committed suicide. What I realized while grieving for him is that grief is the lag time between knowledge and acceptance.

As for time, it takes as long as it takes. Some griefs (is that a word?) take longer than others. I suspect that the inside part of me will always grieve my son. I hope that the outside part will eventually move on, if not for myself then for my family.

People tell me that Joshua would want me to move on and I think thats probably the truth. What I wish they would say to me is, "Be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need to heal. Joshua would want that."

So, I say to you....Be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need to heal. Your mom would want that.

Anji said...

I don't think you get over it, you learn to live with it. My dad died in June too, five years ago, in some ways it's close, in other ways it's far away. I hope you've got lots of happy memories to remember her by

Neutron said...

Thank you both for your comments. I don't think you do get over these things...if you are lucky you get used to them, I suppose.

doris said...

Sorry I didn't reply sooner although I read this the other day. I can't believe it is a year either as it was this time I first started stalking you!


Neutron said...

Hi doris...true enough, a year of stalking each other really! Well, let me thank you for all your comments... sometimes I felt you were the only blogger reading my stuff!!

doris said...

LOL and how depressing that must have felt at times!!! ROFL

I'm really a 6ft very young blonde babe ;-)

Ummm and apologies for changing the subject. Put it down to my being British rather than just insensitivity!

Double hugs to make up for it!